Longing for the moments that will never come

Longing for something which will never happen in reality is very tough to deal with.
I believe most of us might have had similar feelings.. but do we really know how to deal with such feelings??
Atleast I don't know...

It is said that when you fail, you should not get disheartened for there is always a next time and you should learn from your failure..

But what if you never get the second chance at all? what if there is no way out for that NEXT time??
We have ONE life and we all want to fulfill our desires in this life.. but how would you feel if your small desires cannot be fulfilled in this life and that too with no fault of yours?

Just because most of us believe that GOD (or any other super natural power you believe in) has better plans for us we should accept what we have got... but do we really believe that what GOD does is always right?? NO, NOW I DONT BELIEVE IN THIS.... and probably will never be able to now...

Don't think I am a pure Atheist since beginning, no I was not and I am not totally an atheist even now.. I was a person who always believed in GOD and was always fantasized by the stories of GOD our religion offers.. Infact, I used to enjoy spreading these stories among different people and somewhere deep in my heart used to feel proud of myself that I know so much about my dear GOD at very young age....but now things have changed... dont know why.. but they certainly have

I am not the same person now which I was or who my parents brought up... No it is not that LIFE has done something bad with me... but obviously there are certain events which happened .. which led to the transformation within myself. I can bear anything for myself... but these days when I just look around myself.. I feel GOOD happens with BAD people and BAD with GOOD ones... may be I am wrong .. but that s what I conclude when I dont have answers to all the 'Why's which come to my mind....

I know nothing is permanent and want this transformation to end soon....because it hurts me deep inside and the pain cannot be put in words....this feeling makes me feel just too low......and I HATE it....

Wherever you(my ex dear GOD) are , please make me believe in you once again.... 

Take life as it comes

"Take Life as it comes" - a phrase easily said than followed.

 

I am sure everyone has heard this phrase from someone at some point of their life.. I also say it many times and try to convince my self at difficult situations. But I was just wondering how difficult it is to accept life as it is... and the difficulty arises all because of thoughts and pre-conceived ideas in our MIND. We have expectations in every sphere of life.. Even as humans, we expect a lot from GOD and when something happens beyond our expectations, we feel betrayed and depressed.

 

I don't know how GOD has created us, humans... we have such a complex body and mind. The learned people say one should be able to control the mind but it is so difficult for a normal person.

 

I have taken some decisions in life with the course of time and many of them were left on time. Like "Jo hoga dekha jayega types..". No, I don't think about such decisions again once I decide but then sometimes I feel and wonder... am I strong enough to face whatever happens in future?

Sometimes I feel I am just too strong to think in this manner and decide something like this... but deep inside my heart I know how weak I am, how heart-broken I will be and I am when things go otherwise my expectations and I don't let anyone except myself know this fact ever...

I have never seen GOD like any other normal human.. but still I feel I have some strong force with me always which keeps me going. Hope in future also, this unknown force keeps me going until my last breath.

 

 

After a long time

After a long time, somehow I thought about this blog and automatically I started writing a post.. as if there is lot inside me which now needs to come out and I want to b free inside...

Life has changed so much and I have changed even more with the course of time.. and to mention not for good but for bad..... although I know each and every factor which has gradually, sub-consciously changed me.....I feel sad for myself...

My patience level has gone down drastically.... I am just not able to stand anything which is wrong in my eyes....especially when Pranshi is affected because of those things... I knew somewhere in my heart I like everything to be just the way it should be..... but now I realise this is becoming a big problem for me...

I always used to say I don't like double faced people....People who change their statements/ view point on any matter according to the situation without considering what is correct and what is wrong... everyone is selfish in this world... even I am to an extent... but atleast I don't think I will start proving wrong things right in any situation.....

I fail to handle these situations... and then the end result is no one understands me and I earn a bad name that I am very short tempered and have no patience at all.... Since childhood I had the strength of ignoring other's bad deeds but never forgetting mine... I always used to introspect so much that where I went wrong... but now everything has changed .. repeatedly same series of scenes happen and am not able to control myself... Why did I change so much? I don't understand ... why cant I be the same Nidhi Mehra, who had lots of patience and was always a peace-maker... I feel sad and bad for my own self.... if I will continue to destroy my own self in this way.... how will I take care of my only child....???

The problem becomes even bigger... when my own partner does not understand what all things are destroying me... even if I explain him... he doesn't want to understand or might be these things are very minor in his eyes.....I feel so helpless at times and start behaving in an undesired manner...

Please help me God to restore my inner strength and beliefs....