Life has become very mundane these days.. have started losing interest in everything ... life in office, at home... and the reason is my own self....
There are times when I feel... I have done good for myself in life or to better put it... life has been good to me so far.... but sometimes, I feel I am so ordinary as a human....
there are so many extra ordinary people (with unique capabilities) in this world and when compared to those.. I stand nowhere at all....
I feel such a void at times... that it seems I have just never taken life seriously... If I just introspect, I realize that neither I have any special capabilities nor any special interests in life... I simply dont expect anything from any situation in my life... n I wonder what kind of person I am...
If someone asks me... what do you want in life or what is your ambition/ goal ... I have no clue...
Because I dont dream about anything... but being happy with my loved ones... I just cant stand the dual personalities, negativeness, fights, arguments around myself... it's not that I never get into arguments with anyone (in fact, in past few years it has grown) but I personally never want to be in such situations......If someone is trying to fool me or playing politics with me, I just sub-consciously part some distant from that person...I dont even want to talk about the tricks the other person plays with me... But everyone around me doesnt have a similar thought process.... so have to indulge in not-so-happy discussions...
If would have been born with special caliber, may be would have been a boon for my parents and their problems.. but alas,.... I am such a normal/ordinary person who couldnt think or analyse any problem correctly.... sometimes, I feel I was very selfish back then but never realised... I left my parents to deal with their problem on their own.... to find my own happiness.... :( I am really sorry to them from the core of my heart... but I know this wont help now... dont know what the future holds but plsssss God be good to my parents... even if they did something bad at some point... dont you think they had enough now?? :(
There are times when I feel... I have done good for myself in life or to better put it... life has been good to me so far.... but sometimes, I feel I am so ordinary as a human....
there are so many extra ordinary people (with unique capabilities) in this world and when compared to those.. I stand nowhere at all....
I feel such a void at times... that it seems I have just never taken life seriously... If I just introspect, I realize that neither I have any special capabilities nor any special interests in life... I simply dont expect anything from any situation in my life... n I wonder what kind of person I am...
If someone asks me... what do you want in life or what is your ambition/ goal ... I have no clue...
Because I dont dream about anything... but being happy with my loved ones... I just cant stand the dual personalities, negativeness, fights, arguments around myself... it's not that I never get into arguments with anyone (in fact, in past few years it has grown) but I personally never want to be in such situations......If someone is trying to fool me or playing politics with me, I just sub-consciously part some distant from that person...I dont even want to talk about the tricks the other person plays with me... But everyone around me doesnt have a similar thought process.... so have to indulge in not-so-happy discussions...
If would have been born with special caliber, may be would have been a boon for my parents and their problems.. but alas,.... I am such a normal/ordinary person who couldnt think or analyse any problem correctly.... sometimes, I feel I was very selfish back then but never realised... I left my parents to deal with their problem on their own.... to find my own happiness.... :( I am really sorry to them from the core of my heart... but I know this wont help now... dont know what the future holds but plsssss God be good to my parents... even if they did something bad at some point... dont you think they had enough now?? :(
No comments:
Post a Comment